Cause I thought it's for the best
by GrumpyMystery
Summary: Nick and Jess are finally together but Nick still struggles with the fact that he is a failure at life with a bad paid job and no plans for the future and it threatens to destroy their happiness
1. Chapter 1

**Hallo!**

**I have this idea for a story and I just have to try to write it down, because I can't get it out of my head.  
****I am as good as Nick Miller when it comes to writing, so expect greatness and fast updates...NOT ;) :p  
****But maybe some of you can enjoy the story.**

**Also I'm not a native English speaker. So please be forgiving ;)  
I something get confused with the tenses and stuff**

**Let's start. The story takes place a little bit in the future. it will be clearer in the next chapters.**

* * *

"Nick?", Jess peeked through his half open door, "Do you know what happened to the eggs in the fridge? I need them to bake a cake for Marten"

Nick gulped and looked up from his laptop. He knew exactly what happened to them. They were currently giving his stomach a hard time.

"Who's Marten?", he tried to change the subject.

"One of my pupils. It's his birthday tomorrow", she explained and entered the room.

Nick frowned. "Why would you bake a cake for one of your students?"

"Because it's a nice thing to do", she rolled her eyes and let out a sigh, "Do you know where they are or not?"

He grimaced. "I ate them", he confessed and before Jess could say anything he stood up, held his hands protectively in front of himself and added, "But I didn't know you'd need them. I'm sorry"

He really was. But how should he know? Normally he was told if he was not allowed to touch something.

Her eyes widened in disbelief. "You ate all of them?!", she asked and her voice got louder, "There were like 8 eggs in the fridge. Who eats 8 eggs?! You'll get a cholesterol shock"

"There was nothing else and I was hungry", he defended himself.

But he had to admit that she was probably right even though he would never say it out loud. It wasn't a good idea. After he finished eating, he felt a little bit like throwing up. He won't do it again.

"If there is no food, then go buy stuff", she was yelling now.

"I was busy writing my novel", he gesticulated towards his laptop.

She growled. "Did you at least finish the chapter you've worked on for weeks now?"

"Nope", he smirked mischievously, "Haven't written a single line. But I found out, that Jessica Night is a German porn star"

"What?"

"Check it out", he grinned and held his laptop in front of her, "I googled 'Jessica Night' because I thought maybe I'd find some inspiration and this popped up"

"Sperm Swap 7?", Jess read one of the search results and Nick let out a little giggle. He was so stoked by his discovery.

"So you spend your day watching porn and eating the eggs I need now?", Jess asked less amused and crossed her arms.

Nick's grin froze and then slowly disappeared. Damn. She let it sound so bad.

"What? No! I was just...and then..but I didn't..only a little..", he stammered and slowly became silent, putting the laptop back on it's place.

"God, Nick", she threw her hands in the air and yelled, "You are SO frustrating sometimes"

She turned around, about to storm out of his room but he grabbed her wrist and twirled her back to face him.

"What?", she snapped.

Her cheeks were slightly red and her breath was a little heavy from the yelling earlier, so her mouth was open a bit. Nick couldn't help but feel the urge to kiss her.

"Don't look at me like that Miller", she warned him, "I'm not very attracted to you right now"

He sighed. Chances were bad that this fight would turn into one of their sexy battle, where they just stop the fighting to make out and stop the kissing to scream a little bit more.

"Okay. I'm sorry. I'll go to the supermarket and get you some new eggs"

"Thank you", she smiled slightly and gave him a little kiss, but when he wanted to deepen it, she pushed him away nicely.

"Eggs", she demanded and left the room.

Nick let out a little growl and grabbed his jacket. Damn you eggs! Damn you Marten!

* * *

When he returned about 30 minutes later, Jess was back in his room. He stopped at his door and looked at her. She was sitting at his desk at his laptop. The tab with the search result of 'Jessica Night' was still open and Jess was looking through it.

"I'm back", he announced himself.

Jess just gave him a quick glance. "Hey"

He went to her, put the egg box on the desk and placed a rose on top of it.

She looked up to him surprised. He smirked.

"Oh, how classy of you, Nicholas", she said with her aristocratic voice.

"Anything for you, ma lady", he answered in the same way.

She stoop up and wrapped the arms around his neck.

"I decided that it is in fact kind of funny that Jessica Night is a porn star", she stated.

He let out a little laugh. "Did you watch it?"

She shook her head "The last time I watched porn, I tried to choke someone. So unless you're into that, you shouldn't let me watch it ever"

He narrowed his brows and then discreetly reached out his arm to close the laptop. "No porn for you then"

She smiled and looked him into the eyes. "I'm sorry if I overreacted earlier. I'm a little moody today. Thanks for the eggs and the rose"

Instead of saying anything, he just leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. She responded immediately and moved her body closer to him. But it was not enough for Nick. He wrapped one arm around her waist, the other around her neck and pulled her completely into his arms. She let out a little moan, when his tongue touch her upper lip and she opened her mouth a little bit more to grant him access. His hand moved into her hair and he deepened the kiss.

"I have to go", he suddenly mumbled breathless against her lips.

She opened her eyes. "What?!"

"I have to go to work", he explained

"Now?!", she groaned frustrated.

He looked at her half amused, half excusing and nodded.

"Nicholas Miller!", Jess said with a playfully strict voice, "I'm feeling twirly. You can't go to work now"

"I'm sorry Jess", he grinned and kissed her one more time, "I have to. I'm already late"

"Ugh", she grumbled and pushed him away theatrically, "I have THE worst boyfriend"

He let out a short laugh. "It's not my fault, that you get the hots for me every time I give you a little kiss"

Was he having a hard time to control himself and not to rip off her cloth, too? Sure! But it was fun to mess with her a little bit.

She stemmed her hands against her hips and gave him a huffy look. "First of all", she held one finger in the air, "It wasn't a little kiss. You kissed me like a maniac. And second of all", she flipped the finger off the thumb against his forehead, "Let's not get above ourselves mister"

"Ouch", Nick griped and rubbed his head. He grabbed the flannel, which was hanging over his chair and put it on. "Well I'm outta here"

She raised one eyebrow and looked at him questioning. "Really Nick?"

"What?", he asked a little annoyed.

"I definitely don't get the hots for someone who wears a blue-red flannel over a green shirt", she commented in a mean voice.

He looked down at himself doing a little turtleface. "It doesn't match?"

"No Nick, it doesn't", she laughed, "How can you not see that?"

He just shrugged. "How should I know? Red, blue and green do match normally. Some of my button down have all these colors"

"But not that green with that blue", Jess explained frustrated and pointed at his shirt.

Nick muttered. "Green is green"

She rolled her eyes at him and turned around to take a look at his other cloth. After a few sighs and shakes of her head, she handed him one piece. "Just wear this"

"The red hoodie?", he asked confused. Only yesterday Schmidt made a comment about how Nick should finally stop wearing these 'boy cloth'. Not that he would care about, what Schmidt says, but...ya know.

"That's maroon, not red", she corrected.

He shrugged. "Whatever"

"Just take it", she snapped.

"Fine", he grabbed it, put it on and looked at her questioning.

She eyed him and then nodded with a little smile. "My handsome boyfriend"

He let out a weird giggle noise. He still wasn't use to hear complements. Nor her calling him 'boyfriend'. Something he would never have dared to dream of.

She stepped closer to him and started to play with the zipper of the hoodie.

"You're making it really hard for me to leave", he said with a little laugh and caught her hands with his own, stroking his thumbs over the backs of her hands.

She looked up to him and the expression in her eyes gave him a really warm feeling inside his body. The blue in her eyes was so warm and bright and sparkly. And there was so much affection in it.

"Nick?"

"Yeah?", he asked hoarsely, the word almost didn't make it to the surface.

She stayed silent for a few seconds, just looking at him. "Nothing", she finally said and pulled her hands back to herself, "You gotta go. Have fun at work"

"I definitely won't have that", he said with shake of his head. But then he smiled a little and gave her one last, quick peck on the lips, "See ya"

* * *

**Not muched happend here. But i wanted a nice, couplely chapter, before all goes down. (jk :P )**

**BTW. the Jessica Night thing is for real! :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews guys**  
**Here is the next chapter. I think I'm getting better at this. Maybe...**

* * *

His alarm clock went off way to early the next morning. He growled and put it to silence by smashing his hand on it. A pain shoot through his palm and he let out a silent curse. Not a good day!

But when a well known voice reached his ears, he couldn't help but smile a little bit. It was Jess. And she was singing to herself. He could feel his mood changing. At least one good thing about waking up so early was that he would see Jess before she went to work.

A month ago Jess got her job as a kids teacher back. She was really excited about that, but it also meant that she worked during the day again. So most of the days, they only had a brief span between her coming home from work and him leaving. And sometimes they didn't even see each other at night, because Nick came home so late, that she was already asleep to be well rested for the next day.

Nick wasn't exactly happy about the situation but there wasn't much he could do about it. And he wasn't in the right to complain about anything. It was him who had the unusual working hours.  
They made the best out of it. Sometime Jess came into the bar to mark the homework of her kids there, so that they could at least spend a little bit of time together. And on the weekends, if he didn't have to work, they spent half of the day in bed. Talking, cuddling. And, of course, having sex. Breathtaking sex. He probably had the best sex of his life with her. Sometimes it was sweet and soft. Sometimes, especially after (or during) fights, it was fast and a little bit rough. But it was always amazing.

So yeah, even if things weren't totally perfect, his life was great at the moment. Screw it, he'd go out on a limb and say it: He was pretty damn happy right now!

He stretched himself one more time, rubbed his palms against his eyes and stood up.

Jess was sitting at the table, when he entered the kitchen-livingroom with sluggish steps.

"Jess, what did I tell you about singing in the morning?", he mumbled in a sleepy voice.

She looked at him surprised and a smile appeared on her face. He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"You're up already?"

Nick nodded, went to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee, sending a silent 'Thanks' to Schmidt, who probably made it.

Then he turned back to Jess. "I have the early shift and Shane wanted to talk to me before that"

Jess wrinkled her nose at that name. "Why?"

He couldn't fight the little smirk that sneaked up his face. It was kind of cute, that Jess still was jealous about Shane because of that one night.

"I don't know. Something about a new colleague", he explained and sat down on the chair next to her.

She let her fingers come up to slide through his messy, bedroom hair.

"I've missed you last night", she said with a slightly sad smile.

He caught her hand and place a kiss on the back of it.

"Sorry. There was a brawl right before I wanted to close and I had to call the cops and somehow manage to keep these two drunk ninnies apart from each other until they were there. And afterwards I had to clean up the mess. When I came home you were already asleep and I didn't want to wake you"

She looked at him worried. "That sounds dangerous. You shouldn't interfere in a fight between two drunken men. It could end really bad"

"Nah! I can handle that, I'm a strong man!"

She let out a laugh and fake-flexed her muscles. "I'm Nick. I'm a strong man", she imitated him.

He turtlefaced. "You don't think I'm a strong man?"

"Not exactly the word I would use", she was still laughing.

He huffed at her, but she just smiled, leaned in and gave him a quick kiss. "You're my little teddy bear with a grumpy face", she said in a childish voice.

Nick just rolled his eyes and stole another kiss from her.

"I have to go now. Don't wanna be late", she stood up but her hand immediately shoot back to the table and her other hand clutched at Nick's shoulder.

He jump up quickly to hold her. "You okay?"

She took a deep breath and nodded. "It's nothing. I just feel a bit dizzy today and I stood up too fast"

"You shouldn't go to work then"

She shook her head. "I can't afford to call in sick already. It'll be fine"

"You sure?", he asked with concern on his face.

"Yes", she smirked and saluted awkwardly, "Miss Day is ready to serve!"

"Alright sergeant", he said with a amused shake of his head.

She went to her room to grab her keys and a jacket. Nick followed her.

"Are you home early then?", she asked on the way to the door.

"I hope so", he put his hand on her hips and pulled her closer in order to kiss her, "Maybe you could come by for lunch?"

"Yeah, I'll try", she gave him a last peck and was out of the door.

* * *

"You're late, Nick", Shane greeted him as he entered the bar.

"Sorry Shane. My car...", he tried to explain but Shane stopped him with a wave of her hand.

Nick sighed quietly. This was going to be fun...

Shane wasn't around much anymore. She had bought another bar in the neighborhood and spend most of her time there now. Only from time to time she showed up to check if everything was okay.

But it wasn't a bad thing. Quite the opposite. Since Nick ended things with her after only one night, because he found out that he actually might have a shot at Jess, Shane wasn't the biggest fan of him anymore. To put it nicely. So Nick was kind of glad, that she wasn't here anymore to boss him around or talk him down on every occasion.

"This is Jason", she continued and pointed at the man next to her.

He was tall, ripped, had blonde hair, seemed a lot younger then Nick and his suit was basically screaming 'Look at me, I'm so fancy'. Nick hated that guy already.

"He works here now. I'd like you to show him a little bit around before the bar opens"

Normally Nick would be annoyed by such a task, but he was in a way too good mood to pick up a fight with Shane now, so what the hell.

"Sure thing", he reached out his hand to shake Jasons, "Hi. I'm Nick"

* * *

**A little bit of a weird ending but I had to cut the chapter in two halves because it was getting too long :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hallo :)**

**Thanks again for the reviews and follows. You're the best! :)**

**I've been fighting with this chapter for 3 days now and it still doesn't do what I want, so I'm just gonna post it now.**

**and guuuys, the last episode! Feelings! Am I right?! :D**

* * *

"And the most important thing..", Nick ended his little tour through the bar in front of the fridge and opened it, "The beer. We have bottles and cans. The bottles are served as they are but the beer in the can is normally poured in a glass first, because you know, it looks better"

Jason nodded.

"But", Nick continued and pointed a finger in the air, "Lenny only drinks his beer out of a can. If you give him anything else but a cold beer in a can, he will throw it right back at ya. So, don't do it"

Jason started laughing, but when he saw Nick's straight face and realized he wasn't joking, he went silent and nodded again.

"I will show you who Lenny is later. He's here almost every day. So is Frank. The thing about Frank is...never give him more than 8 beers. He's totally harmless with 8 beers. But one more and he turns into some kind of hairy white Hulk", Nick rubbed his hands together and leaned against the bar, "I guess that's it. Any questions?"

He shook his head. "You know a lot about this bar, huh?"

"Well", Nick shrugged, "I work here long enough"

"Yeah? Since when?"

Nick groaned inwardly. He was not really interested in talking to this guy. "Since 2006"

"Wow. That's over six years. So, what are you doing? Are you studying or...?"

Nick pulled a huge turtle face. "I'm a bartender"

Jason's eyes widened and he flushed a little. "Oh! I'm sorry. I just thought...Well I'm just doing it to earn a little extra money, so I thought...you know?", he stammered and when Nick made no move to say something, he finished with, "I'm at business school"

Of course he was. Nick took a deep breath and ran his hand over his face. "Good for you"

"My parents support me with a little bit of cash, but you can never have enough, am I right?", he laughed awkwardly, obviously trying to lighten up the mood.

Nick let out an ironic laugh and opened the fridge to grab a beer. He had this odd feeling, that he would need it.

"Want one?", he asked with a glance in Jason's direction. He looked back with a confused and slightly judgmental expression on his face and shook his head.

Nick just shrugged, opened the can and took a gulp, enjoying the few seconds of silence, before Jason started to talk again. "So...as a barkeeper you sure can pick up some hot girls, huh?"

Nick took another sip. "I guess"

"Not your thing?"

Nick sighed. Obviously it was useless to try to escape this conversation, so he caved in.

"No, I'm not the kind of guy anymore who picks up drunk women and besides, I have a girlfriend", a little smile played on his lips, when he said the last word.

"Oh, sweet. What's she doing?"

"She's a teacher", he said proudly.

Jason raised his eyebrows. "A bartender and a teacher? That's an odd combination"

There was a shift in Nick's mood and his face hardened. "Why?"

"I don't know. I just thought a woman who works with kids is more into...you know..the steady kind of guy. A teacher himself. Or a nerdy scientist. Not someone whose job is to make people drunk", he laughed.

Nick felt his body stiffen and the well known feeling of anger boiled up inside of him. He knew that it wasn't Jason's intention to offend him or anything, but he couldn't help but feel insulted by his words. And that made him made.

He was mad at Jason for saying that. Jason didn't know Jess. Or him. He was not in the right to judge.

He was mad at himself for caring about what he said. He just met him an hour ago. It shouldn't bother him, what he thought.

But most importantly he was mad that sometimes, he thought the exact same thing.

He clenched his fists and tried to control his temper. "I'm gonna clean up the storage place. If you need me, call me", he hissed through his teeth and walked away.

* * *

"Hey Jess. When you hear that...can you please call me? On the work phone, because my phone is broken...as you know"

He broke it, when he wanted to prove his roommates that old phones are much more robust than these new smart phones and that he could even use it as a bottle opener without breaking it. Turned out, he couldn't.

"I was just wondering, if you're okay...so just call me. See ya..I guess", he stammered. He hated talking to voicemails. Always sounded like an idiot.

Jess hadn't shown up for lunch, which was okay because she only said she would try to come. But she also hadn't called him to cancel, which was a little bit weirder, because normally she would do that. And he had tried to call her multiple times but she had never picked up.

He wasn't the type of guy who went crazy just because he couldn't get someone on the phone. It was the combination of Jess not coming by for lunch, Jess feeling dizzy this morning and him not reaching her, that made him worried.

He could feel that Jason was watching him. Since Nick came back from the storage place, Jason had left him alone. But Nick could feel how hard it was for him not to speak.

Once more Nick looked at the clock on the wall. It was 5:30 pm. His shift would be over in half an hour, but maybe he could leave early. There weren't much people here anyway.

He walked over to Jason, which apparently he took as a permission to speak again.

"Hey man. I'm sorry if I said something that offended you"

Nick waved it off. "Can I leave you alone until Bob is here? My girlfriend won't pick up her phone and I'm getting a bit worried"

"Sure", he just said, "I hope everything is okay"

"Thanks man"

Maybe he was bearable...

* * *

"Jess? Are you at home?", Nick yelled through the loft, first thing after he opened the door.

He could hear a sound coming from her room and a few seconds later she stood in the floor and looked at him with big eyes. A feeling of relief washed over him.

"Jess. Where have you been? I called you like five times", he said a little reproachfully.

"I'm sorry. I left my purse plus phone at school", she explained in a unusual flustered voice.

"Why?", he asked confused. Normally she went nowhere without her weird bunny thing.

"There was a little incident", she started.

He looked at her questioningly, giving her a silent demand to continue.

"I blacked-out in the teacher lounge. Full frontal crash with the floor", she tried to joke, but neither of them was laughing.

"God Jess", he took her face into his hands and looked at her worried, "Did you get hurt?"

She shook her head and stepped back a bit so that Nick had to drop his hands again "I'm okay. I went to the doctor. He gave me some meds. I feel better now", she explained hurried.

Nick frowned. He didn't know what, but something wasn't right. Jess seemed so nervous and unsteady and she could barely look him into the eyes.

"What is going on Jess?"

"I..", she started and gulped visibly, "I have to talk to you, Nick"

"Okay", he chuggled awkwardly and his heart started to beat faster, "That sounds serious"

A million scenarios were rushing trough his head, in most of them she was going to break up with him even though he couldn't find the connection to her black-out.

But she didn't say anything. Instead she was looking at him with a strange expression in her eyes. She almost seemed a bit frightened.

"You're scaring me Jess. What is it?"

She closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath, before she looked up to him. "I'm pregnant"

For a second or two, he just stared at her until the meaning of her words finally sank in. And when it did, Nick's lungs tighten and he had the feeling, the whole air was sucked out of the room. He couldn't understand. Of course, he knew what her words meant, but still. He couldn't understand. His head started to spin and his knees threaten to cave in but at the same time his body felt weirdly stiff.

He didn't know how long they had been standing there until Jess opened her mouth again.

"Say something", she almost begged.

But he couldn't. His mind was completely blank and even if he knew what to say, his throat was suddenly so dry, that it was impossible for him to form words.

He didn't even realized it, when his hands went up to pull his hood over his head and his feet slowly started to slide backwards.

"Nick, no!", her voice sounded hollow in his ears like it was coming from a far distance.

"Nick", she said one more time, but he had already reached his room. His hand went up to the door and gave it a little push.

"NICK!", he could her her voice coming through the walls, while he was just standing there, staring at the closed door.


	4. Chapter 4

**Again, thanks for the reviews and follows! Means a lot :)**

**And Happy Easter, everybody!**

* * *

"So, you hooded and moonwalked her?", Winston stared at Nick, "That's a new low. Even for you"

"Shut up", Nick hissed at him, "I don't need you to tell me that I screwed up. I know that"

"And now you're sitting here in your underwear, drinking beer at 11 am", he held his thumb in the air, "Respect Nick"

"I said shut up!"

Winston sighed and sat down on the other side of the table.

Nick ran his hand over his face a few times and looked up to his friend.

"I wanted to talk to her after the first shock, but she was gone. I think she ran off to Cece"

"Yeah...Schmidt told me he saw her there actually. He also told me to punch you in the face for him", Winston said with an uninflected voice.

Nick raised one eyebrow and nodded. "Justifiable"

For a few seconds they both stayed silent until Winston opened his mouth again. "How did that even happen? Don't you use protection?"

"Of course we do. Well, Jess doesn't take the pill, because it makes her moody and sometimes we're a bit..", he paused and clenched a fist around the beer bottle, "..you know..rough...so maybe.."

Winston grimaced. "Stop talking Nick. I don't want to picture any of that"

"Sorry", he mumbled and shook his head, "And it doesn't matter how it happened. Fact is, it happened. Another fact is", he continued and looked at his friend with an almost helpless expression, "I can't be a dad Winston. I can't even take care of myself. How should I take care of a baby? You know how bad I am with small living things. I would probably drop it every time I try to hold it in my arms"

Winston rolled his eyes. "That's a common fear and it almost never happens. And don't act like you never took care of a little kid. I know you have"

For a second Nick looked at Winston with intense eyes.

"Yeah and Jamie turned out just great", he said ironically and formed a circle with his thumb and index finger and held it up, "He's my brother and I love him, but he's probably the stupidest person I have ever met. And I meet a lot of stupid person. I work in a bar"

Winston couldn't fight a little laugh. "Yeah, he's not the smartest"

"Maybe because I've let him fall down on his head once too often", Nick came back to his original statement.

"That's ridiculous. Jamie is just dumb. It's not your fault. And besides, you were a kid back then and now you're a..", Winston paused and waved his hand in Nick's direction, "kind of grown man"

Nick smirked slightly. "Kind of? You should really work on your pep talks, Winston"

Winston joined his smirk and for a moment they were both silent again.

"Just...don't screw this up, okay?", Winston looked at him with a warm expression.

Nick looked back for a moment and nodded. "Okay"

"Good", Winston stood up, about to leave the room.

"Hey, can I have your phone? I need to text Jess", Nick stopped him.

Winston raised an eyebrow. "Text her?"

"Well I can't call her. She's probably in class...and she wouldn't pick up anyway.."

Winston gave him a nod of assent and handed him his phone.

Nick looked at it for a moment with furrowed brow. "How do texts work with this thing?"

Winston rolled his eyes and clicked on the green icon which said 'Messages'. "Here you go"

'Hey Jess, I'm so sorry about how I reacted. I was just so surprised. Can we please talk in the evening? I'll try to come home early from work. Please! - Nick', he typed in, pressed send and gave the phone back to Winston. Then he stood up, took his beer and poured the rest of it in the sink.

* * *

It was a quiet day at work. Jason was there too again, which was kind of unnecessary, because of the lack of costumers in the bar. But Nick was happy about it. He hadn't slept last night and he couldn't focus on the work. His thoughts were with Jess. He really hoped she would show up in the loft tonight, even if he hadn't figured out what he was going to say.

The doors to the bar opened and Shane entered the room. Her eyes went straight to Jason and then to Nick.

"Hey Shane. You here again?"

She nodded. "Actually I need to talk to you"

Nick gulped. That sentence again. It almost never meant something good.

He followed her to the corner of the room, a little apart from the costumers.

"I'm just gonna say it, because there is no good way to do it anyway", she started and took a deep breath, "You're fired"

His face froze andhis eyes opened wide. "What? This is a joke right?", he asked. Panic in his voice.

She bit her lip. "I'm afraid not"

"Shane please", he folded his hands, "You can't do that. I need this job!"

"I'm sorry Nick, I'm trying to change the image of the bar a bit, because I think it's more profitable to have a bar for young people instead of having the homeless hanging around here all the time", she glanced over to Sid and then back to Nick, "And I just don't think you'll fit into that new image"

Nick opened his mouth but Shane continued.

"But it's not just that. You are repeatedly drunk at work, you give people free drinks, you are distracted at work when your little room friend is here and yesterday you even went home early to check on her and left Jason alone on his first day. That is just not acceptable"

Nick clenched his fist and looked over to Jason. That little bastard squealed on him.

"Is this about Jess? And us? Look, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I really am. But.."

"Don't be ridiculous", she cut him off, "this has nothing to do with private reasons"

He didn't believe her, but there was nothing he could do.

"I thought your messy nature is refreshing and fun to work with but it turns out, it's really just...messy", she explained and looked at him a little apologetic.

Nick saw his chances fade away.

"At least give me time to find something new", he tried to negotiate, "Isn't there something like a period of notice?"

She laughed ironically. "Yeah I wanted to check your contract for that and it turned out, there isn't even one. All I found was this piece of paper, which says 'Nick Miller works here as a bartender'. And then it is signed by you and a guy called 'Clyde the manager'. And I don't even want to know, what you used to sign that, because I'm pretty sure it's your blood"

Nick looked at the paper she held in the air and burrowed his face in his hand. Now that he saw it, he remembered that time. He was still in law school, but hated everything about it, so he spend most of his time in this bar instead of going to his courses. One night he was joking with Clyde, the owner at that time, about how he should work here, because he was here all the time anyway. Clyde took out a piece of paper and wrote that sentence on it. And because they were both totally drunk and thought it was bad ass, Clyde took a knife and cut both in the finger so they could sign it. The next day Nick thought it was a joke but Clyde called him in the afternoon and asked him if he would show up for work today. And since then, Nick has worked here.

"Well I guess, that's it", Nick finally said, defeated.

He glanced over to Jason and he was looking back at him with a guilty expression on his face. The realization hit Nick. Jason had known the whole time. He had known, that he was the replacement for him. The whole 'nice guy' thing was just an act and he fall for it.

Nick stormed to the exit. He was mad, hurt and frustrated. He push his body against the door to open it but he just bumped into it. His eyes moved over the little sign that said 'Pull' and something boiled up inside of him.

"OH COME ON! JUST SHUT UP! EVERY TIME"

* * *

Nick sat in his car, which he had parked in the small backyard behind the apartment. He could see Jess's window from this spot. The curtains were closed, but he could see her silhouette inside, walking up and down. An hour ago all he wanted was for her to show up so that they could talk. But now he couldn't bring himself to go up there. He couldn't face Jess.

When he left the bar, he felt angry. He wanted to destroy things and scream at everybody. But now he was just exhausted. How was he supposed to go up there, look Jess in the eyes and tell her, that her boyfriend and father of her child wasn't even good enough to be a bartender? How was he supposed to deal with all of that?

Shane was right. Even if Nick still thought that the main reason she fired him was her wounded pride, all she said about him was true. He had luck that, until now, nobody had ever questioned his work. It was probably because it seemed like he was an old hand. Managers waxed and waned, but he had always been there. In every other bar, his behavior would have let him get fired a long time ago. Because, yes, he has been drunk a lot of times and yes, he did pee in the register among many other stupid stuff.

And now he was without a job, without qualification, without anything. His throat tightened at the thought of it. He had no idea, what he should do. He needed a job, but he couldn't do anything.

His eyes were still focused on Jess and a pain spread through his body.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't go up there. He couldn't face her. He was too scared.

His hand went to the keys, he turned them around and the car started with a loud engine noise. And with a last glance at her, he slowly drove away.

* * *

**Don't hate me or Nick or me :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**First of all: Sorry it took me so long to update the story! :(**  
**I could lie and say that I was very busy, but to be honest, I was just lazy :P (and had a small writer's block)**

**Second:**** As always**, thanks for the reviews and follows guys :)

**Third: I originally wanted to go a bit different way with this story but now I can't bring myself to do it :D So maybe the title of the story is not 100% accurate anymore. But it's still okay...**

**Forth: I know it is a little bit angsty. I don't know why i can't just write happy stories. I guess, I'm a dark person  
But it will get happier. I promise! :D**

**Fifth: Enjoy :)**

* * *

The next day, Nick woke up with half of his face leaned against the cold window of his car door. He pressed his palms against his eyes and let out a growl. His neck hurt and for a few seconds he was confused about where he was and how he got there. When his memory came back, he bumped his head back against the window.

After he'd just driven away from Jess and the apartment he'd continued to drive without any destination until the fact that he hadn't slept the night before and the excitement of the day had kicked in and he hadn't been able to keep his eyes open anymore.

Now he was on a parking lot somewhere in nowhere. His head started to spin and he closed his eyes again, rubbing his thumb and index finger against them. What should he do now? Jess was going to kill him. It had been a knee jerk reaction. He'd panicked. But that didn't change the fact, that he just left her alone.

Why did this even happen? They've been dating only four months and now she was pregnant. That was not what he had planned. Why was everything in his life always so messed up?

It's not that he didn't want children. He always saw himself married someday. A beautiful wife on his side. Two, maybe three kids. A dog, maybe even cats. And a turtle of course. There were surprisingly many living things in his future for someone who claims to don't like them. And yes, since Jess had moved in, this future wife had turned more and more into someone with brown, long hair, bangs, big, blue eyes and a smile that could make him melt.

But he wasn't ready for it NOW. This future Nick with his beautiful wife and all these living things around him was most certainly not jobless. He actually never imagined what job he would have, but it was clearly not none.

He got out of the car to get a bit fresh air and to stretch his legs. It was surprisingly cold and he closed the zipper of his hoodie. A small smile creeped up his face, when he realized it was the hoodie Jess had worn, when he had tried to seduce him to get the parking spot. Everything had been so easy back then. Except it hadn't been because he wanted to be with her so badly but couldn't. But at least he hadn't sucked her into his crappy life back then.

He physically shook the memory form his mind. He couldn't turn back time anyway. And now there was only one thing he could do. Fix it.

He took a deep breath, got back into the car and started it.

* * *

It was almost 9 pm. More than half an hour ago, he arrived at the apartment and he was still standing there, staring up.

His way home hadn't been as easy as he had hoped. First he had to find out where he was and where he had to go. Then, midway, his car broke down shortly after he'd spent the last of his money on gas. It actually needed to be repaired professionally for a long time, but he was Nick Miller and so that has never happened. The last times something broke, he fixed it himself. Like he did it with everything. But that never lasted for long. So he'd spend almost two hours trying to fix it until he gave up, just left it there and used the public transit, which was horrible with all these people in it, and finally ended up, walking home the rest of the way.

And now he was standing in front of the main entrance, a little bit scared of what would happen when he went up there.

„Nick?", he heard Schmidt behind him.

He turned around and Schmidt was walking towards him with relief on his face. But when he reached him, his expression suddenly turned into anger and the next thing Nick could feel was Schmidt's fist on his cheekbone.

The punch was hard and took Nick by surprise. He lost his balance and fell down on the pavement. His hand shoot up to his cheek and he felt a stinging pain immediately. His first impulse was to yell at Schmidt, but when he saw that Schmidt was jumping around with his hand pressed against his chest and an expression of pain on his face, he was satisfied. And besides, he knew why Schmidt had punched him and it was a good reason.

"Why does it hurt so much to punch someone?", Schmidt squealed, "It was suppose to hurt you, not me"

Nick sat up and sighed. "I deserve that", he admitted quietly still rubbing his cheek.

Schmidt was still whining but reached out his other hand to help Nick back on his feet.

"Where have you been, man?", he asked, still mad.

Nick shook his head sadly. "I freaked out"

"I figured", Schmidt replied and took a closer look at Nick. "Did you sleep in a coal mine?", he grimaced disgusted, "You look and smell terrible"

"I tried to fix the..", Nick started to explained but then decided to ignore Schmidt's comment.

"How...how is Jess?", he asked instead and looked down at his feet to avoid Schmidt's eyes.

Schmidt stayed silent for a few seconds. Then he took a deep breath. "She's doing fine considering the fact, that her boyfriend is a complete idiot"

Nick sighed. "I got it Schmidt"

"So are you coming up with me or do you plan to stay here a little bit longer?"

Nick nodded, opened his mouth and slapped himself in the face, but winced when he hit his already swollen cheek. "Okay let's do this"

* * *

When Nick entered the living room, his hands were shaking. He saw Jess sitting on the couch watching the news with a worried face. She looked pale and had dark circles around her eyes.

A wave of guilt washed over him, when he realized that it was probably because of him.

She hadn't noticed him yet, so he stepped a bit closer to the couch, rubbing his oil-covered hands against each other.

"Hey Jess", he said. His voice was just a shaky breath.

She immediately jumped up and faced him. Her eyes widened and he could see the relief in her expression. "Nick"

She ran around the couch and towards him but similar to Schmidt she suddenly stopped and her face hardened. "You left"

It were only two words but there was so much sadness in them, that he felt his lungs tighten again.

"Jess, I am so sorry!", Nick started and made a step in her direction.

She moved backwards. "What happened to your face?"

Her voice sounded almost a bit hopeful. Like she thought about the possibility that Nick was held hostage or something and that that was the reason why he was gone for two days.

"That w..."

"Schmidt happened!", Schmidt cut him off as he entered the room.

He faced Jess. "I tell you one thing. I don't care if Nick is my best friend. If someone is messing with ma girl it means pain!"

Jess smiles slightly, but Nick started to get really annoyed with Schmidt. He knew that he messed up, but it was none of Schmidt's business.

"Listen Jessica. If this child", he pointed at Nick, "is not able to be there for you, I just want you to know, you can always count on me. We could all move in together. You, Cece and me. Harem style. Of course, I will only bang Cece, because I love her and because I don't think, I could sleep with the same woman Nick slept with. No offense Jess, but he kind of ruined you for me", he looked at Nick and grimaced, "Anyways, I can take care of you"

"Schmidt, enough!", Nick growled at him.

Jess touched Schmidt's arm and smiled gratefully. "Thanks Schmidt, but I think I'll be fine"

He nodded, gave Nick a last glance and disappeared in his room.

Jess looked back at Nick. "What happened? Where have you been?"

He looked at her a bit helpless. "Shane fired me", he finally said after a few seconds.

"Yeah, I know", even though she was mad, she still managed to sound compassionate.

"You know?"

"I went to the bar last night after you hadn't showed up here. They told me"

"Well...", he said as if this would explain the whole situation.

"Why did you ran away?", she asked, her voice surprisingly soft.

Because he was ashamed

Because he felt like a failure.

Because he felt like he was buried under a huge pile of responsibility and suddenly couldn't breath anymore.

All these thought ran through his head, but he ended up with saying nothing. Instead he just looked at her with pleading eyes.

"So you're still not talking?", she shook her head and let out an annoyed sigh while she walked pass him towards her room.

"Jess!", he grabbed her wrist and tried to stop her.

She shook him off and for a moment they just stared at each other. Her eyes had an expression in it, that Nick feared the most. Disappointment.

"Nick, I have to go to bed. I'm tired. You should ice your cheek", a sad smile appeared on her face, "Goodnight"

And with those words she walked into her room and closed the door.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys,**

**sorry it took me so long (again!) to write the chapter. I suck ;)**

**Also it's kind of a bla-bla chapter with a bit of a look back and stuff.**

**Contains kinda spoilers for episode 2x23 but not really :p**

**Hope you enjoy**

**Next chapter will be online sooner I hope!**

* * *

Nick hadn't been able to sleep very well that night, so after hours of staring at the ceiling he decided to get up and do something useful, which turned out to be an apology breakfast for Jess.

After the food was done, he opened the cupboard and looked through the different sorts of tea in there. Pregnant women shouldn't drink too much caffeine. That much he knew. After a few seconds he chose the lemon tea. Lemons could never be wrong. They had vitamins and all that stuff.

"Nick?", he heard her voice and turned around.

She was standing there in a light blue pajama with little stars on it. Her hair was messy and her eyes were still sleepy and framed by one of her round glasses. Nick got this well-known warm tingling feeling in his stomach. She looked adorable.

"What are you doing up? It's like 7 am", she asked confused.

"I made you breakfast", he greeted her and smiled.

"You made breakfast?", she sounded more mocking than mad, which gave Nick hope. Maybe she didn't totally hate him.

"Well, I made you tea and a sandwich. I will not play with this fire thing again", he pointed at the stove and made a face as if it would be something evil.

Jess chuckled and Nick's heart made a little jump.

"Wanna sit down?", he asked hopefully and pointed at one of the bar chairs.

She nodded. "I'll just jump in the shower really quickly"

* * *

"Here you go", he handed Jess the plate and the mug and placed himself on the chair on the other side of the table.

"Thanks"

She peeked between the slices of bread with a nosy expression on her face.

"Wait, is this peanut butter and jelly on the same sandwich?", she asked almost shocked.

"Yup", he smirked, "And I made it without getting the urge to destroy things"

He hated Peanut Butter Jelly Sandwich. He just couldn't understand how someone could ruin something as good as peanut butter with something as disgusting as jelly. But he also knew that Jess loved it.

She gave him a little smile and took a bite. "It's delicious"

"I doubt that", he said with a sarcastic laugh.

Jess took a few more bits and an unpleasant silence filled the room. Nick started to play with his hands nervously. She looked up at him from her plate. Her eyes had a demanding expression.

Nick realized that he could joke and be nice as much as he wanted, but the elephant in the room would not disappear. She wouldn't just forget about his behavior the last three days.

"Jess...", he started and reached out his hand to take hers, but she pulled away.

He broke the eye contact and looked at his hand, slowly taking it back to him, and stayed silent, daunted by her gesture.

She sighed heavily. "I'm really trying to be understanding Nick, but I NEED to know what you think about this whole baby situation. You haven't even said anything about..", her voice broke off and she paused.

He looked back up. "About what?"

Her hand was clenched around the mug and she looked at his eyes searchingly. "About...if you want to keep it", she finished the sentence in a shaky voice.

"What?!", his eyes widened. Not one second had it crossed his mind to not keep the baby, "Of course I want to keep it! You don't want to keep it?"

Panic crept in on him. Maybe she didn't want a kid with him and his messed up genes.

"I want to keep it", she said without hesitation.

His body relaxed and he sighed in relief. "Okay. Good"

"Okay. Good", she mimicked him but her voice was still shaky.

Why in the hell would she think, that he didn't want to keep the baby?

His stomach clenched, when he realized the extent of his behavior. Of course she would think that, after the way he reacted. It must have been terrible for her. He deserved so much more than that little punch from Schmidt.

He jump of his chair,walked around the table, pulled her into his arms and was relieved about the fact, that she let him do it.

"I'm so sorry Jess", he said quietly and stroke his hand over her back, "I never wanted you to feel like I don't want the baby. That's definitely not the reason why...you know...", he started to stumble again, "I'm just an idiot"

She leaned his head on his shoulder and he could feel how her body relaxed slightly.

"Okay", she whispered.

"Okay", he repeated.

Nick knew that that wasn't the end of this conversation. But for now, it seemed to be enough for her.

* * *

"I'm sorry sir, but we really don't need another bartender", the young blonde woman said a second time with an apologetic shake of her head.

Nick let himself fall on one of the bar chairs and nodded in defeat. He had spent the whole day searching for a new job and this was the last bar he had found within a bearable distance of the loft. But apparently no one was in need of a 31 year old bartender.

"Can I have a beer then?", he asked the woman behind the bar. One beer was justifiable. He needed something to wash away the frustration.

"Sure", she walked away, came back with a bottle of Heisler and placed it in front of Nick.

"Oh and...a little tip", she said with a shy smile, "Next time you ask for a job somewhere, maybe wait until your face is healed. You know, that crooked nose and that shiner make you look like...well.. a brawler. No offense"

She disappeared quickly and left a turtle-faced Nick alone. He looked up and spotted a mirror at the wall behind the bar. He took a look at himself and grimaced. He couldn't argue with that woman. The shiner looked really dangerous, his nose was just his nose and in addition to that, he hadn't shaved since the day Jess told him that she was pregnant. Plus, his shirt was dirty.

After the conversation with Jess this morning, he was so eager to make things right, that he had grabbed the first piece of cloth, he could find and left the loft to go on a job hunt.

He went back to his beer and almost emptied it with one huge gulp.

Classic. Even if he tries, he still messes it up. His last try, 'Guy's night', turned out to be a flop too. Although there were more people in the bar than ever before, since no one had to pay, the profit wasn't really huge. He really wanted it to be a success. Of course, the whole responsibility thing was to impress Shane a little bit, but in the long run he really wanted to get his crap together. But then his Dad died and shortly after that he got together with Jess and he had other things in mind than improving his career.

When he and Jess were finally officially together, he felt like the luckiest bastard on the planet. Although the start of their relationship was anything but easy. First the kiss after True American, her breakup with Sam followed by a very weird week, where both of them didn't know how to behave towards each other. Then this idiot Jax, followed by Shane. The fish tank incident. Finally their first date, which couldn't have gone more wrong. Again days of weirdness and 'Middle school dance rules'. And then that one night, that Nick would never forget. The tension between them was just too much and they couldn't take it anymore and crossed Jess's self-drawn line by having sex. After that, they couldn't go back, but it still wasn't clear what they were. So Cece stepped up and did one of Jess's famous parent traps, expect it wasn't for her parents but for them. She locked them into Jess's room and refused to let them out until they had defined their relationship. After what felt like hours of them arguing with Cece and telling her she watches to much 'How I met your mother', Nick finally had the balls to tell Jess, that he would like to upgrade their friendship into a relationship. It was an understatement, but it was enough for Jess.

But maybe he should have never tried to get her. He was good at two thing. Denying and pretending. He should have stuck to that. Denying his feelings for Jess and pretending everything was okay. Pretending it wouldn't kill him to see her with somebody else. She would have been just fine without him. Probably even finer.

Because he had to face the truth. He never was and he never would be good enough for her.

Jess told him once, that Spencer never really had a job and always depended on her. And that, in the end, she was glad that he cheated on her, because she would have never broken up with him because she never realized how unhappy she had been in this relationship. Maybe it was kind of Jess's thing. To fall for some loser who makes her miserable without her noticing it until it was too late. Maybe he was Spencer 2.0

He ordered another beer and tried to get rid of that thought, but somehow it got stuck in his head.

* * *

**Don't worry. Nick gets his shit together soon. cause this self-pity starts to annoy me :D **


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks again for all the reviews and follows :)**

******That is the last angsty chapter, I promise :)  
The next one is also half done, so i think I can post it soon.**

* * *

It was already late when Nick arrived back at the loft. The one beer he had allowed himself to drink at the bar, had turned into more than one and on top of that, he had a few whiskeys.

He stumbled into the living room to make himself coffee and drink a lot of water in order to sober up a bit, but he froze at the door, when he saw that Jess was sitting on the couch, reading a book. It was probably not a good idea to get caught in a condition like that. The atmosphere between them was still tense.

He was about to leave the room, but it was too late. "Nick?", he heard her voice.

"Oh!", he grimaced and turned around.

She frowned. "Oh?"

"I wanted to go...", he pointed to his room and tried hard to let his voice sound normal.

Obviously not hard enough, because she narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. "Are you drunk?"

"Hmm...little bit", he admitted.

"Seriously Nick?!", she sounded pissed.

He raised his hands placatory. "It was a frustrating day. I wanted to find a new job", he explained, stumbled to the couch and sat next to her, "But nobody wants me"

"Of course not. Look at you", she pointed at him, "You look homeless"

He actually didn't look THAT bad, but Jess was mad, so she exaggerated a bit.

"Well, I probably will be soon", he let his head drop on the back of the couch and looked at the ceiling.

Jess rolled her eyes. "That's ridiculous. You'll find a new job. You can't give up that fast..."

"Sure Jess", he grumbled, "I just have to believe in it and everything will be fine", his voice was filled with sarcasm, "And maybe if I'm a good boy, the blue fairy will come and fulfill all my wishes. Because this is how it works"

She just shook her head annoyed and looked back into her book.

Nick turned his head and watched her. She did look like she came out of a fairy tail though. Her flawless face, her pale soft skin, her long hair. She could pull off a princess anytime. Whereas when he thought about a prince, only one person came into his mind.

"Russel would make a perfect shining prince"

Jess looked at him with a frown. "What?"

"He seemed pretty jealous the last time we saw him", the alcohol in his blood was still playing with his mind, "You know, on our date", he quoted that word with his hands", to which I was too stupid to ask you out properly"

Her eyes narrowed. "Where is this conversation going?"

"I don't know", he spoke in a slurred voice, "I'm just saying. He's the man, Jess"

"The man for what exactly, Nick?", she asked, her voice alarmingly low.

He didn't answer. The thoughts he had had early in the bar still haunted him. What if Jess really wouldn't be happy with him in the long run? He really had not much to offer.

"Maybe you should call him", the words just slipped out of his mouth and even so he was pretty drunk, he immediately knew, that it was a big mistake.

The expression in her face froze and her eyes became bigger and watery. "What?"

Nick shook his head quickly. A bit too quickly, because the room started to twirl. He closed his eyes and pressed his fingers on them. "Jess, I didn't mean it like that..."

But Jess was already on her feet. "You are such a coward Nicholas Miller", she yelled at him, while a few tears were making their way down her cheek, "If you wanna break up with me, just do it! Don't casually bring up my ex"

"No", Nick jump up and wanted to follow Jess, who was running away, but the room started to spin again. He clung to the couch to not loose balance.

"Jess, I don't want to break up with you", he yelled but she was already in her room.

He walked over there slowly and knocked. "Please Jess. Come out"

She didn't answer.

For a moment he stood there debating with himself if he should just go in there. When they got together, they made a few rules because of their odd situation of being roomates and boyfriend and girlfriend. One of them was to respect a closed door.

He really wanted to talk to her, but he was afraid it wouldn't help the situation, if he broke this rule. So he went back to the living room and placed himself on the couch. She had to come out sooner or later.

* * *

"Wake up...Nick..."

"Nick..", he heart a voice coming from a far distance and his mind started to wake up slowly.

"Nick...", he heart it again and shortly after that he felt something bump against his stomach.

He tried to ignore it and go back to sleep, because it felt way to early.

"NICK", the sound was louder now. Followed by another bump which was also firmer.

He gave up, opened his eyes slowly and looked directly into Schmidt's eyes, who was standing on top of him, one foot next to his body, the other one hovering over his stomach.

"Ahh...what are you doing?!", Nick yelled in shock and straightened up quickly. Schmidt, who was still standing only on one foot, lost his balance because Nick crashed into him and fell backwards, almost landing on the floor.

"What the hell man!", Schmidt complained.

"What the hell yourself", Nick shoot back and rubbed his eyes, "What where you doing?"

"You didn't wake up and you seemed all dead. I had to check if you're still alive", Schmidt explained.

Nick turtle faced. "By kicking me into my stomach?"

"Of course! I don't want to touch a carcass with my hands. I can handle being near one. Thanks to your dad. But that's enough."

Nick just rolled his eyes. It was definitely to early for Schmidt's craziness.

"Jess is gone. I thought you might want to know that", Schmidt suddenly said.

Nick's movement froze and his eyes widened. "What?!"

The memory of the last night came back. It was a bit blurry, but he remembered his stupid comment about Russel. After that he must have fallen asleep on the couch before he got the chance to talk to Jess.

"I don't know what you did again, but Cece just informed me that I can't come over the next days because Jess is sleeping at her place", he exhaled, "Nicholas, I really have to tell you, that I can't tolerate..."  
Nick jumped of the couch before Schmidt could finish his sentence, trying to ignore the dizziness in his head caused by the alcohol from last night. He stormed into Jess's room and looked around. There were clothing missing, her IPod wasn't there and the bag, she kept in her closet wasn't there either. His stomach clutched. She really was gone.

He ran his hand through his hair and walked around in the room with a helpless expression on his face. He had to bring her back. But what if she wouldn't come back? He really messed up last night. What if she was done with him? His heart hurt only by thinking about it. But wasn't that what he wanted? For her to get rid of him and get someone who could give her what she deserved? He shook his head. No. That couldn't be the solution. He didn't know what was, but Jess not being in his life, definitely couldn't be the solution. It would kill him! He had to talk to her.

He hurried out of her room and towards the door.

"Please take a shower before you leave", he could hear Schmidt yelling from the living room, "Whatever your plan is, I can assure you it will not work if you smell rotten. And you do"

* * *

Nick took one last deep breath, raised his hand and knocked against the door. After a few seconds it opened and the tall woman looked at him unpleased.

"Hey Cece", he greeted her nervously.

To be honest, Cece scared him a little bit. He knew she was Jess's best friend and Schmidt's girlfriend again and it wasn't that he didn't like her, but he just never got really warm with her. Probably because they had nothing in common. Also he didn't trust people, who don't eat.

"Hallo Nick", she hissed at him.

"Is Jess here?"

"Yes", she said but still blocked the door.

"Can I talk to her?"

"No"

Nick sighed. "Come on, Cece"

She didn't respond and instead just looked at him with cold eyes.

"Please", he tried again, "I really have to talk to her"

"Okay fine. But don't make it worse or I'll make sure that the other side of your face gets a shiner too"

Nick gulped and nodded quickly, so Cece stepped aside and let him in.

* * *

Jess was sitting on the bed behind a fort of pillows and blankets. She had headphones in her ears and was humming along the song. Her head was faced towards the window and there was a thoughtful expression on it. Her eyes were red and puffy. She must have cried. She looked so small and lost in this pile of pillows. A warm but also weirdly painful feeling spread through his body. He just wanted to go over there, take her into his arms and never let go.

He entered the room slowly to not scare her, but she jumped up anyway, when she noticed him.

She pulled out the headphones. "What are you doing here?"

"I...", he started and walked towards her, but she went backwards and then body-swerved him and went to the door and stopped there.

"Please come home Jess"

She shook her head. "No"

"Look", he tried again to walk closer to her, "I'm sorry I was drunk yesterday. It was just this frustrating job hunt. And what I said was stupid. I didn't mean it. And I definitively don't want to break up with you"

She looked at him insecurely but also hopefully.

"Then what do you want? First you disappear, then you come back and insure me that you want the baby, but on the same day you go out and get wasted and then you can't stop rambling about my ex. So what do you want Nick?"

He wanted her to not be mad at him. He wanted her to be happy. But at the moment most importantly, he wanted her back in the loft where she belongs.

"Just come home", he begged.

"If that's all you can say then go!", she pointed at the hallway.

He didn't move. He couldn't go. Not without her. Or at least with the knowledge that she would come back.

Jess's eyes got watery again. "GO!"

"NO!", he yelled, closed the distance between them and grabbed her upper arms.

She winced, but then immediately tried to free herself from his grip. But he was too strong.

"I don't know what to do okay?", he was still yelling and his face had a helpless expression, "I love you so much Jessica!"

She froze instantly and and he realized what he had just said. He actually had never said 'I love you' to her before. Of course he had loved her. Even before they got together. But he was too afraid to say it, because there has always been this voice in his head, which said that she couldn't possibly feel the same. But now was not the moment to make a big deal out of it. He needed to say what he had to say.

"And what I want is for you to be happy and not have to worry about anything. Because that is what you deserve. And I want to give you that. But how am I supposed to do that? I have no money, I have no job, I have nothing! I'm a mess! So how could I be your prince in shining armor? How am I suppose to give you your fairy tail and your rainbows and all that crap? How?! See, I can't even talk about it without calling it crap. I am just not good enough for you"

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and let go of her arms. Jess just stood there. Her eyes wide and her body frozen. A single tear went down her cheek. Nick wanted to wipe it away so badly, but he was afraid she wouldn't let him. Suddenly he felt so exhausted. And defeated.

"I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to yell at you..", he buried his face in his hands and sighed, "I'm gonna leave now"

Jess still didn't say anything so Nick lowered his head and was about to walk out of the door, when he felt her hand on his arms.

"Have I ever given you the feeling that you're not good enough?", she asked in a low voice.

He turned around and looked at her. She looked so sad. "No", he finally said.

"Then why do you think it?"

He shrugged slightly. "I guess it's pretty obvious"

She looked at him for a moment with sympathy on her face, but then she frowned and shook her head.

"NO", she suddenly said in a loud voice, "I will not let you do that. I will not let you ruin us, just because you have issues. I knew what I signed up for when we got together. I know you Nick! And this", she pointed between him and herself, "we...we're good together. Not perfect. But really, really good. And you will not destroy it just because you have a moment of self-doubt. This is not what's gonna happen. So, shut up Nick!"

He just stared at her taken aback.

"I will stay here this night, because it's all prepared for our 'Stupid Nick Miller' themed night. We have ice cream and real food and you know how rare it is, that Cece actually eats something, so I won't cancel that. But I will come home tomorrow after work and we will talk and you'll better be neither drunk nor gone, Miller. Are we clear?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for follows, favs and reviews as always :)**

**Here is the next chapter. hope you like it.**

* * *

Nick spent the whole morning walking around the loft nervously. He was happy that the guys weren't around because the last thing he needed were nosy questions or stupid comments.

He knew that he had to talk to Jess, when she would come home from work. When he had left Cece's apartment yesterday, Jess hadn't been that mad anymore but it was clear, that she still expected some explanation from him. And he wanted to give her some. He had decided to come clean with her.

* * *

It was about 4 pm when he heard her coming home. He didn't want to attack her immediately after she stepped into the loft, so he waited a moment in his room. He could hear her scurrying through the kitchen, probably making herself a snack and some tea and then disappearing into her room. After another few minutes, he stood up, took a deep breath and went over there.

Her door was half open, so he peeked his head through it and knocked slightly against the door frame. She was sitting on her bed, playing absentmindedly with the tea bag paper.

"Hi", he said softly.

"Hey", she gave him a little smile.

"So how was your celebration of my stupidity?", he asked awkwardly.

She pressed her lips together for a moment. "It wasn't really a celebration, Nick"

"Yeah right...sorry.."

He entered the room and closed the door behind him.

"Can I...can I say something?"

She looked at him surprised. A glint of hope in her eyes.

"The floor is yours, Miller", she said in an announcer voice and immediately after shook her head and grimaced like she always did, when she did something, even she found too weird. Then she just smiled at him shyly and nodded.

"Jess", he started and rubbed his hands together. Why did he never know what to do with his hands in such situations? He decided to put them into his pants pockets.

"There is something I want to tell you and..I never told this anybody so...I mean..Winston knows parts of it, because he grew up with me, but...I never talked to him about how I felt so..", he made a pause, cursing himself internally because he couldn't even say one whole sentence without stammering.

But the expression on Jess's face encouraged him to go on, "You met my dad and you know that I had my...difficulties with him. He was so unpredictable and sometimes he just left us for weeks without saying a word. But, you know, the really...hurtful part was, that my dad always gave me the feeling that I am not good enough. I tried so hard to replace him, when he was not around. To step up. To be the man. But every time he came back, he acted like it was nothing. Like it was completely normal for a 14 year old boy to take care of his mother and his little brother. And if something went wrong during his absence, he blamed me. When I was little, I always looked up to him. He was such a fearless man and I was just this scared, angry little boy. I tried everything to please him. I lied for him. Or at least, I tried. You know, I'm not good at it. I played that stupid, diabetic boy. I was good at school. I went to college. I walked around with a mustache like he had for years for god's sake. But it was never enough. He always gave me the feeling, that he loved everybody else more than me. Sometimes he even told me that. And it...killed me", his voice cracked and he paused a moment to clear his throat. He could feel his eyes starting to burn and get dangerously watery. He pressed his palms against them angrily. He hated it, that this story still affected him that much.

Suddenly he could feel a warm touch on his arm. He lowered his hands and looked directly into Jess's eyes. Big. And filled with sadness and compassion. She didn't say anything but her hand was still on his arm and her thumb was stroking him tenderly.

He took a deep breath to calm himself and then continued. "I mean, most of the time I'm over it. But when you told me you were pregnant, the feeling somehow came back. I felt like this 14 year old boy again who just can't make it right. And the next day I got fired, because Shane wasn't satisfied with my work. So I felt confirmed in this thought and I just panicked. I was so scared to disappoint you and I had this voice in my head that told me, that you deserve better and that I could never ever be enough. And that's why I did all that stupid stuff. And I'm really sorry"

He caught her hands with his and his thumbs draw circles on the back of her hands.

"I don't want to say, that it is not my fault that I'm a mess. That's not my style. I don't want to put all the blame on my dad. But he did scare me, I guess"

He thought back to the time when his dad had visited him and the conversation he had with Jess after his dad had left, once again, without saying a word.

"As I told you before. I'm a little broken", he gave her a weak smile, "And I just wanted you to know why. If I ever do something stupid, like the last days, it's not because of you. It's important for me that you know that. Because I really love you Jess. And I'm sorry that I never said that before..."

"No", she suddenly cut him off, "I am sorry. I should have said something. I always expected you to talk about your feelings but I never said what I feel myself. But I was scared too. I never knew how serious the whole thing was for you. I know that you don't want to be alone and I thought, maybe I'm just an easy target. Because, you know, I was already there. The woman next door. Two steps across the hall. Why going out and hunt when there is already served steak?", she shook her head slightly to stop her rambling, put her hand on his chest and continued, "But I do love you Nick. More than I ever loved anybody else. And that's probably why I was so scared to say it. But had I known that you needed..", she paused and looked at him with meaningful eyes, "I should have said it"

Hearing those words coming out of her mouth was the last thing Nick needed, to get pushed off the edge. His stomach clenched in a good way and he could feel his eyes getting watery again. But this time he wasn't able to stop the tears from falling. So he pulled Jess into his arms quickly and buried his face in her neck. She did the same and he could feel her hands clinging onto his back. Suddenly, it was the combination of her words and the fact that she was holding onto him like he was some sort of life preserver, the realization hit him. Jess might actually really need him! Just him!

After they had melted into each others arms for a while, Nick brought a bit of space between them and looked at her. She had a little smile on her face and her blue eyes were beaming at him. She was so beautiful. He just couldn't believe that she was afraid, that he wasn't serious about her.

"Have you really thought I'm just dating you, because you're my roommate?", he asked with a little laugh. She shrugged shyly.

He shook his head. "Do you know how hard I tried NOT to fall for you because I thought I have no shot with you anyway and it would just complicate things? But it was impossible"

Her smile grew. "So that means you had these feelings before we even got together?"

"What?", his eyes widened as he realized that he just implied that. He thought about a way to take it back, but the happy expression on her face calmed him down. Why shouldn't he admit it? Jess wouldn't judge him. She wouldn't hurt him. It was okay. ,"I have been having these feelings for a long time, Jessica", he said softly.

Jess let out a little squeak, grabbed his shirt, pulled him towards her and crashed her lips on his. After a millisecond of surprise, he responded immediately and wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her closer again. She let out a little moan and a shiver went down his back.

"I've missed you", he whispered against her lips.

She slipped her hands under his shirt and let her fingers wander over his bare stomach, while her lips were moving from his lips along his jawline to his ear.

"I need you Nicholas", she whispered in a husky voice and pushed him towards the bed.

* * *

**I'm not really good at writing smut stuff, so I will let your imagination go from here ;)**


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm still dead because of "Virgins"...ahhhhhh :D  
What a lovely episode :) So excited for the next one**

**But now...the next chapter **

* * *

Nick lay on his side, his head on his hand, and looked down at the small woman, who was curled up and pressed against his chest. Her eyes were closed, but Nick knew she wasn't sleeping. She was just 'fully taking in and enjoying the moment' as she once explained him. She did it very often after they had sex. It was precious and cute and one of the many little things, Nick loved about her.

His hand was stroking over her back gently and he tried to pull her closer, even though there was almost no space between them already. It was maybe, probably, because they had finally talked about their feelings, but right now, Jess just couldn't be close enough for him. He loved her and she loved him and everything was good.

He put a lose hair behind her ear and let out a little sigh.

She opened one eye and looked at him. "What are you sighing about, Miller? You're not allowed to sigh after what we just had"

He chuckled. "Sorry. I was just thinking how stupid it is, that I had to knock you up and freak out first, before we can talk about our feelings for each other. That's probably not the way it should be"

She looked at him for a moment and then shrugged. "I like it"

"You like it?", he asked with a frown.

"Well, not that part in particular. But I like that we're not 'the way it should be'...", she smiled at him, "We're weirdos"

He returned her smile and leaned down to give her a kiss on the forehead.

"Just one thing", she said a bit more serious.

He raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"No more running away. For both of us. Al least not without saying something. Promise?"

He smirked. "Okay, from now on I will inform you before running off"

She wrinkled her nose and punched him slightly in the stomach.

He let out a laugh and caught her hand. "I promise. No more running", he said softly and pressed a kiss on the back of her hand before letting her go.

"Good", she said, closed her eyes again and snuggled up to him.

Nick's hand started to wander over her body again which she commented with a comforting sigh.

Finally his hand came to a stop on her stomach and a huge smile appeared on his face. For the first time since Jess had told him, that she was pregnant, he felt like he was allowed to be happy about it.

"Jess", he waited until she opened her eyes again, "We're having a baby", he finally said with a big grin, "It's going to be awesome"

The biggest smile spread across her face. "Yeah", she grinned, "Can you imagine us on the playground? You'll probably yell at every kid that's too loud"

He smirked. "Oh..and you will then try to improve the mood by singing weird songs"

"We're going to be the most embarrassing parents ever"

"Absolutely", he nodded.

They both started to laugh and their eyes were beaming at each other.

"Hey Nick", Jess said after a while in a more serious voice, "You will be a great dad. I have no doubts about that"

His breath caught in his lungs for a second at her words and the kindness in her eyes. He swallowed to get rid of the lump in his throat. "Thanks"

She just nodded slightly and gave him the sweetest little smile.

"Let's just hope it won't get your turtle face", she was laughing again.

He put on said face. "Let's just hope it won't get your..", he echoed and looked over her body to find something to get back at her. But he couldn't find anything, so he just shrugged.

"Aww", she crawled up to him, "You're so cute"

And before he could protest, Jess silenced him by pressing her lips on his.

* * *

Two hours later they still hadn't managed to get out of the bed. Jess head rested on his shoulder and her hand played with his chest hair preoccupiedly.

Nick frowned when he saw, that her face had a thoughtful expression.

"You okay?"

She raised her head and gave him a weak smile. "Yeah, sure"

"Come on Jess. I know that face. You have something on your mind"

"It's just...about your dad...", she started and looked at him unsurely.

"What's about him?"

She sat up and leaned against the headboard. "I actually never told you that, but the morning before he left...he talked to me and I'm pretty sure he wanted to tell me, that I should tell you, that he loved you. I think he just couldn't express his feelings very well. He ended up saying that I should keep an eye on you"

"He said that?"

She nodded. "The way I got to know him and...after what you just told me..I believe, he was", she paused a moment, searching for the right word, "intimidated by you and that's why he wasn't able to show you, how he felt"

"Intimidated?", he repeated doubtfully. He couldn't imagine his dad being intimidated by anything or anyone.

"Yeah, look, you weren't just a scared little boy. And your Dad knew that. You're honest, thoughtful and sensitive. And with that probably the opposite of him and everything he did. He didn't know how to deal with that"

Now Nick was the one with the thoughtful expression.

"And I also think, you dad wasn't as fearless as you think, Nick", she continued, "Have you ever thought about the possibility that he was scared to be a dad and that's why he was never around? And then he saw you, a little kid, doing the thing he couldn't. That made him angry about himself and he let it out on you. But I really think, deep down, he knew how brave you were and he was very proud"

Nick didn't say anything. He just looked at his hands with a frown on his face.

"I'm thirsty. Gonna grab something to drink", she gave him a little smile and stood up.

He sat up and put his feet on the ground. Was it possible that Jess was right? His family had a various way to deal with fear. He got angry, when he was scared. His mom got mean. Jamie got aggressive. Maybe Walt chose to deal with his fear by not dealing with it.

He let out a sigh. As much as he liked what Jess just said, he would never find out to which degree her words were true. His dad was dead and he could never talk to him again. But somehow the fact alone that Jess said these things gave him a warm feeling. Even if it wasn't true for his dad, it showed that she saw him that way. He thought about the three words, Jess used to describe him. Honest, thoughtful and sensitive. He liked it.

* * *

"Hey", he greeted her as he joined her in the kitchen.

She stopped her search trough the cupboards, turned around and smiled. "Are you hungry? I wanted to make some pasta"

"I never say no to food", he chuckled and sat down on one of the bar chairs, "Listen, I was thinking since I was a little bit of an idiot the last days and really focused on myself, I haven't paid you much attention. So how about I'll make up for it? I would love to take you out or go on a little trip, but I'm afraid I can't afford that right now. But maybe just go to the beach or in a nice park?"

For a moment she just looked at him. Her head was tilted slightly to the side and her eyes sparkled. "I would love that", she finally said with a big smile.

* * *

**Just a heads up...**  
**I think I'll write like 2 or 3 more chapters for this fic and then end it. I will not go through the whole pregnancy...because I wouldn't know what to write ;)**  
**But maybe I'll make a time leap and write one final chapter about that...or something like that :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**First of all a big apology for abandoning this story for so long! :(**  
**I kind of got addicted to making gifs for my tumblr and put all my free time in making that.**

**But I really wanna finish this story. So, I'm really gonna try to do that.**

**If you're not interested in the story anymore (because you already have forgotten what it was about :p), it's okay :D But for those who want to read it, here is the next chapter.**

**And because I don't live in LA and also never have been there, I have no idea if there exists a park like the one in the story. But let's just pretend :D  
(also I don't know how realistic it is, that there is a closed pub just "laying around", but...yeah... :) )**

* * *

"Here?", she pointed to an area next to some bushes, "It looks nice"

Nick followed her finger with his eyes and shook her head. "No, let's go somewhere else"

"Okay..", she said a bit confused. It was the third spot she had suggested and he had given her the same answer every time, "Everything alright?"

"Yeah sure", he said a little bit too quick and thrust his hands into his pants pockets.

It was the day of their reconciliation getaway and they had decided to spend the afternoon in a nice park. What Jess didn't know was, that he had a little surprise for her. And as always, he had the hardest time to not blurt it out.

"Where are we going?", Jess asked again.

"Just...", he just said, laid his hand on the small of her back and pushed her gently in one direction.

She shook her head in confusion but let him guide her.

"Here!", he finally came to a stop and pointed at a spot next to a big tree and near the little lake. It was the nicest spot he knew. Or to be honest, it was the spot, Winston had told him, would be the nicest.

Jess looked at the blanket he was pointing at and frowned. "Nick, there is already someone...", she started but stopped when she looked up and saw the little grin on his face.

Her eyes widened. "Oh..this is our...?"

He nodded, feeling particularly proud of himself.

She looked a few times back and forth between Nick and the blanket on the grass. Her expression a mixture of fascination and disbelief. Nick had tried really hard. There were flowers around the blanket. He had bought some weird non-alcoholic champagne (He had allowed himself to buy beer for himself though), fruits, pie and had made a few sandwiches and even salad.

"You're amazing!", she finally said and flung her arms around his neck.

He let out a little chuckle, pulled her closer and took in her sweet familiar scent, that never failed to fill his body with a warm feeling.

She brought some space between them pressed a quick, gentle kiss on his lips and raised one finger. "Don't ever say to me again, that you can't be my fairytale prince when you pull off something like that"

He chuckled again and could feel his face getting flushed. "It's just a bit of food Jess", he tried to play it down.

She ignored his comment and once again looked over the blanket. "How did you even manage to do that?"

"I prepared it in the morning and asked Sid to watch over it", he looked around and realized that there were no other people within at least ten meters. He grinned, "I think he scared the other visitors away. And all he wanted was one of the sandwiches and a little bit of beer"

But to be honest he was really relieved that everything went according to plan. A part of him had been afraid that Sid would still sit in the middle of the blanket with no food and especially no beer left, when they arrived.

She let out a little laugh. "I have the best boyfriend. With all his connections to homeless people"

"You know it", he winked and shot his finger gun at her.

She crinkled her nose, tiptoed and pressed another kiss on his lips.

"Come on, let's sit down", he took her hand in his and guided her to the blanket.

* * *

After their first round of food, they had made themselves comfortable on the blanket. Jess's head rested on his chest and he had his arm around her.

Nick was surprised about the amount of food, Jess had eaten. Maybe it was already because of the baby. Or maybe she was just hungry. He actually had no idea, when the baby would start to be hungry. Maybe he should look that up. Yes. He was going to look that up. In fact he was going to look up everything there was to know.

"So, how are you?", he asked after a while, "Any more dizziness, morning sickness, anything?"

She smiled. "I'm fine"

"Great", he said quietly and stroke over her hair.

There was another moment of silence until Nick started to sit up, forcing Jess to do the same. She looked at him with a silent complain, but he ignored it and leaned his back against the tree next to the blanket. He reached out to take Jess's hand into his own and looked at her. She looked back, her expression a bit confused.

"Jess, I wanted to talk to you about...ya know...future stuff"

A small smile appeared on her face, when he said the word 'future'. "Oh. So serious"

"As you know, my current job situation isn't the best, because..well...I don't have one..", he started.

A little grin appeared on her face and he couldn't blame her. His talents certainly did not include communication.

"And besides the fact that I always talked about how much I hate being a bartender, I actually liked it", he admitted. Jess just nodded.

"I want to stay in that field, but I don't want to be...just a bartender", for the last words, he used the same contemptuously tone most people used, when they heard about his job.

"Nick, I..", Jess started, but he shook his head.

"I know you don't care what I do Jess", he said with a soft voice, "But I do. And I wanna do more!", he paused for a second to gather his thoughts, "I heard about an old pub. It's closed for a while now and nobody seams to be interested in it. Probably because it's in a horrible state. It would need a lot of restoration. But it's really cheap and...err", he trailed off and looked down on his hands, starting to rub them together, "You know what? It's a stupid idea. Forget about it"

He didn't look back up again, so Jess placed her hand on top of his hands to stop his nervous habit. Their eyes met again and the expression in hers basically pleaded him to go on.

"I was just thinking..", he finally continued, "Maybe I can get it and have my own bar"

It was a thing, he had thought about even before Shane had fired him, but back then he had discarded it quickly every time, because he had a job and it would have been just too risky. But in the last days, he couldn't stop thinking about it. It was actually really something he would like to do. Create his own empire, where he could be the boss, but still doing what he likes to do. And now the idea was out in the open and Nick was a little bit worried about Jess's reactions. He knew that she was normally very supportive, but this was big and the timing was everything but perfect.

"I think it's great!", she finally said with a smile.

He raised his eyebrows surprised. "You do?"

"Yeah", she smiled.

"You really think I could pulled that off?"

"Yeah", she said again and grinned, "I think you can do a lot of things when you really want to. And I actually think that could be perfect for you. You're smart enough to run your own business, you have more then enough experience with bars and you like fixing stuff. Plus, you would be your own boss", she smiled glowingly, "I think you will have the best bar and you will show this Shane person how dumb she was for firing you"

Nick couldn't help but laugh. It was just way too cute how much Jess still disliked that woman.

"What?", she demanded, her eyes big and confused.

He stopped laughing and shook his head slightly. "Oh god Jess, I love you so much!"

Her expressed turned into a still confused, but happy smile. "Love you too", she said quickly before Nick's lips shut her up.

"But Jess", he said with a more serious tone, "you know that this is very risky and even if I can establish something profitable, at least at the beginning there won't be any profit for sure. I just don't know if it's the right time..."

"Don't worry about it. You need a new job anyway. And I think something like that...it's now or never. And I don't want it to be never, if that's really something you want to do", she smiled, "I have a job and I make a decent amount of money. We're gonna be fine"

He shook his head, guessing what she means by that. "I won't let you pay for me", he said with a determined voice.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be such a man, Nick"

He smirked."I thought you like it, when I'm a man", he said with a hoarse voice.

"Oh, shut up", she giggled and hit him playfully against the chest.

He chuckled, caught her hand and pressed a kiss on her knuckles. "But seriously, I don't think we'll be able to get our own place for now. So I guess we have to live with the two idiots a bit longer. I hope that's okay for you", he looked at her apologetic.

"You wanna move in together?!"

His eyes widened. They actually never have talked about this topic. He had just assumed that it would be the next step. "Err..yeah..I thought?", he stammered, "I mean...if you want to.." Really smooth Miller.

Her face light up and she nodded with a big smile on her face.

Nick returned the smile relieved. "Good", he said softly.

"But don't worry too much Miller. We still have time until this thing pops out", she pointed at her stomach with a little laugh, "And I don't think Winston and Schmidt are going to kick us out as soon as the baby is there"

"Oh no!", Nick protested instantly, "We have to get something before we have the baby. I will not let our baby live with Schmidt. He will make it all weird and probably try to put his stupid bathroom products on it. Or feed it with 200$ sushi mash. There should be as less contact as possible between that weirdo and our kid"

"Oh come on Nick", she giggled, "Don't act like that. I know how much you love Schmidt"

"Blahh", he grimaced, "Don't say stuff like that, Jess"

She rolled her eyes and he gave her a little grin.

"Hey Nick", she said after a while and put her hand on his knee, "Thanks for talking to me about that"


End file.
